One down

Yesterday was my last day on the stroke service. As is often the case, the end of this rotation was bittersweet. It was a huge relief to have completed my first month of residency. That said, I was just starting to develop a sense of how to manage stroke patients, and it's a little unnerving to start general neurology. Thankfully, someone is always willing to answer my questions, even those that are embarassingly elementary. Taking care of patients is not unlike raising a child. The learning curve is unavoidably steep. I'm sure I'll get up to speed... just in time to move on to my next rotation.

As for the rest of our little family, Elijah is thriving at preschool. He seems to have a crush on Claire, the woman who takes care of him after nap time. When I went to pick him up the other day, he was making green playdough pancakes with her. As it came time to say goodbye, he told me that he "likes her and loves her." When he's at home, Elijah is mostly interested in being read to, playing his keyboard and making 'pillow houses' in the couch. He arranges the pillows at one end of the couch and then hides stuffed animals beneath them. He will spend long stretches of time talking with his animals and rearranging the cushions. As for reading, Elijah loves to hear the same books over and again. His current favorites include "Make the Team, Baby Duck," by Amy Hest and "Lost" by David McPhail. He also enjoys books about using the potty, but this has yet to translate into an interest in potty training.

Amiel is also doing well. Now that I am working, he is responsible for getting Elijah fed, dressed and off to school. They have clearly bonded over the past weeks. When I pick up Elijah from school, he typically asks, "Where's Daddy!?"

Still kicking

I am very tired. The one day weekends are painfully short, and the early mornings are barely tolerable. In my view, feeding a baby and catching a plane are pretty much the only justifications for leaving bed before 7:00 am. I snack and drink cold water to stay awake. When I'm really exhausted, I have a tendency to misplace my water bottle. I recently lost my beloved SIGG. It was red and had a cool samurai motiff. One of my med students has started to keep tabs on its mauve replacement.

Despite my exhaustion, things are going well. I'm learning quite a bit, and it feels good to make some small contribution to my team. It's still strange to be addressed as a doctor, but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

The hospital

After yesterday's illustrious day off, I was hesitant about returning to the hospital today. "I've given it four days, time to stay home again." Needless to say, Amiel was had other ideas, and I was back to work this morning. The hospital is like a casino. The lack of windows and miserable artificial lights make it impossible to appreciate the true time of day. There is always someone on the go. The building services guy is pushing a dumpster of soiled linens, the stroke patient's husband is looking for his wife's room, and a gaggle of white-coats is making its way down the hall. The nurses are wearing muted pastels and speaking Tagalog. One of them has a bandaid beneath her left eye; another has a long hair sticking out from the side of his face. Silence is elusive. Monitors are beeping, phones are ringing, and pagers are buzzing. I see someone swipe a jello from a patient's tray.

After rounds, I head outside with my resident and med student. The sun blinds us and the swooshing wind soothes our ears. My resident smokes a cigarette and pulls out a bag of barbeque potato chips. I'm thankful that he's a smoker because it gives me an excuse to slip outside the hospital.

Back in the workroom, I vie for a free computer and start writing my notes. The computer table is cement grey and littered with piles of paper. When no one is looking, I covertly wipe down my mouse and keyboard with an alcohol pad. A few hours later, I'm preparing to leave when our team receives a new consult. More on her to come.

Doctor

Quick update on my first four days of residency. I am lucky. My first month is much less intimidating than I had feared. I am on the neurology team right now and since I am a psychiatry resident they don't trust me to do much. Specifically, I don't take call (sleep over night at the hospital). This is a wonderful thing for someone who is unaccustomed to spending long stretches away from home. I've been leaving the house around 6:45 every morning and this has been quite an adjustment. That said, I've yet to be late and that alone feels nearly miraculous. As for the work itself, I definitely have alot to brush up on, but I am cautiously optimistic that this might actually be manageable.

I've enjoyed seeing patients again. I was called to the Emergency Department to assess a woman who was having stroke symptoms. Sweet lady. She said that she was having troublesome symptoms for a few days and things got worse when she heard about Michael Jackson. People are so fascinating.

First day of school

Yesterday was Elijah's first day of preschool. Here is a guest post from Amiel.... Sarah took the lead in doing a very nice job preparing Liji for his first day of school. We both took him to a couple visits to the school and Sarah talked about it a lot in the last couple weeks so he would be familiar with the concept. She even got him a couple very cute books about “first day at school” and a brand new “Blue Doggie” to take with him. I think he was as well prepared as possible.
One of the last steps yesterday was laminating some family photos so he could take them with him and be reminded throughout the day of his cast of fans supporting him. Sarah expertly punched holes in the laminated photos and tied them together with a pretty piece of yarn.

Today we had his clothes all picked out from the night before, bag packed, and off to school we went. He was calm but with a VERY serious face when I took a couple photos. After we entered the school – a little tentative and not ready for smiles yet. We met one of his very nice teachers, Dee, who already had one little girl in her arms, just getting over her own “first day trauma”, eyes still wet with tears.

We said hello, handed off our bag and some frozen veggie food, and as is the procedure at his school, were shown where Elijah can wash his hands first thing every morning when he arrives. (They are very conscientious about preventing spread of any germs!) Elijah liked having a little sink at his height with a grownup soap dispenser and paper towels. Then it was time for Daddy to say good bye, love you, see ya later, and leave quickly. You can imagine how much he liked that… Not so much. Immediate crying. But I had to run to the car to get out a box of diapers and when I returned two minutes later, Elijah was in Dee’s arms, already calmed down. (You could tell right away she has a great touch with small children.) I didn’t let him see me, so as not to get upset again, and quickly slipped out.

Amiel picked up Elijah and it sounds like the day went quite well. His only difficulty was falling asleep at nap time. By the time he fell asleep, it was almost time to get up. Apparently he was unhappy to be awakened... he must have been really exhausted because he dozed back off. Amiel reported that Elijah was fast asleep on a little couch at pick up time. Tomorrow is Elijah's second day and I am hoping to pick him up myself. Tomorrow is also my first day working in the hospital!! A big day for our little family.

One last day

Yesterday, Elijah and I visited his new preschool. He was a rockstar. I lifted him up to ring the door bell, and he held my hand as we were lead to his classroom. The children were finishing their music class and there was alot of commotion. Elijah warily surveyed the scene and opted to keep his distance. Snack time was next on the agenda, and we really lucked out in that department. It was little Rachel's birthday and her Mom had brought cupcakes for the class. The kids eagerly washed their hands and raced to their little blue seats. After washing his hands at the pint-sized sink, Elijah made his way to the tables. A cheerful girl with curly red hair asked if Elijah would sit next to her. He thought about it for a moment, but I think the girl's exuberance was a little much for him. He eventually found a spot next to a quiet boy, and stood beside the chair for some time. I fought the urge to slip my hands beneath his arms and slide him onto the seat. I tried to be patient. When he finally climbed into the seat, I smiled from the inside out. The promise of gooey frosting had prevailed, and my little boy had willingly sat at a table of strangers. Amazing.

After cupcakes, the class headed out to the school's cool playground. By now, Elijah was all smiles. Climbing the equipment, letting a girl give him a hug and blowing kisses to his teachers when it was time to say goodbye.

Today was another special day. I start work tomorrow, and today was my last day home with Elijah. I usually hate to wake up early, but today was different. In an effort to make the day last as long as possible, I actually set my alarm clock to ensure an early start. For breakfast, Elijah and I made a puffy oven pancake. He helped dump the ingredients into the mixing bowl and cracked an egg for the first time. When the pancakes were ready, I let him cover his plate in a flurry of powdered sugar.
It was a rainy day, so we decided to visit the nearby Nature Museum. The museum is famous for its butterfly haven, but Elijah's favorite part has always been playing in the (over-priced) photobooth. This time, we actually had our picture taken and Elijah couldn't wait to see the strip of grainy images. On the way home, Elijah used his new umbrella as a walking stick/pointing device. "What's that!?" he'd inquire. The answer was usually "goose poop!" and Elijah found this hysterical. "Smushy-gushy-stinky goose poop!" I said. Squeals of delight. By the time we reached our street, we were damp and cold nosed. We grabbed a slice of pizza and headed home for nap time.
Before nap, we read "The Kissing Hand," by Audrey Penn. The story is simple. Chester raccoon is hesistant about starting school, and his Mommy teaches him the secret to keeping the warmth of home with him all the time. Elijah loved it, and it nearly brought me to tears. I purchased the book to help with Elijah's transition to preschool, but sometimes I think that I am the one who needs reassurance.

Lucky girl

I just got back from an amazing spa getaway to Massachusetts!! Thank you to Gilia for this most generous and wonderful back-to-work gift! This was the perfect way to de-stress and get ready for residency orientation at the end of the week.

The 125 acre grounds of Canyon Ranch are stunning. Upon our arrival, Gilia and I took a garden tour with the spa's landscape architect. This gorgeous red poppy was one of my favorites!

The building which houses the dining room and bakery was once a private home. It looks over a huge grassy space, sprinkled with happy buttercups and a handful of white Adirondack chairs. This photo was taken while I was plunked on one of those chairs with a good book.
On our second day, Gilia and I participated in a group hike through the woods. Upon learning that walking poles actually enhance one's workout, I decided to try them. They were lots of fun and helpful for the steep parts of the trail too. Following the hike, we took a 2 mile canoe ride. It was a perfect way to enjoy the outdoors and get the heart rate up!

Needless to say, the spa was exceedingly peaceful. The majority of the property is a cell-phone free zone. In addition to keeping things on the quiet side, this encourages a friendly atmosphere. It is easy to meet new people when one isn't attending to text messages and voicemails.

While our surrounding were beautiful, we also spent a great deal of time attending lectures and classes. Some of my favorite classes were NIA (a hybrid of dance, yoga and martial arts), African drumming and Tai Chi. My most brutal class was aptly named 'Rockbottom.' It has been three days, and my bottom is still sore.

The Canyon Ranch cuisine was AMAZING!! The main diningroom offers a colorful salad bar at each meal, and menu items can be ordered in full or half-sized portions. The desserts are tiny, but scrumptious. For lunch, we often chose to eat on the terrace overlooking the buttercup field. Check out the Canyon Ranch website for tons of free recipes. I can't wait to try the honey tarragon salad dressing, chipotle black bean soup, hummus and ginger cookies!!

Un-summer soup

I know it's June, but Chicago is still cold and I decided to make a big pot of Vegetable Barley soup this week. The soup is so easy to prepare, that posting the recipe is somewhat embarassing. That said, guests are always asking me how to make this, and I'm not one to be stingy with recipes! By the way, kids love this. I think it's the combination of noodles and corn, at least that's the case in our household.

Vegetable Barley Soup

1 large onion, chopped

3-6 cloves garlic, chopped

1 cup barley

8 cups broth

4 cups water

small can tomato paste

3/4 cup elbow macaroni

10 oz frozen mixed vegetables

(I really like the organic mix from Costco)

small bunch kale, chard or spinach, chopped (optional)

small bunch dill, minced (I use kitchen shears for this)

cayenne and/or tabasco to taste

salt/pepper to taste

1. Heat olive oil in soup pot and saute onion until translucent
2. Add barley, broth, water, tomato paste
3. Bring to boil and cook on medium-high for about 1 hour (until barley is tender)
4. Add pasta and continue to cook until pasta is tender
5. If using the optional greens, use a separate pan to saute them in olive oil and add them to the soup with the pasta
6. Add dill and seasonings

Fresh dill is what makes this recipe so delicious, but I think dried would be ok. You can also substitute split peas for some or all of the barley. The soup is very filling. If we are having it for dinner, I usually just make some cornbread and/or salad to go with it. It makes great leftovers, but the pasta does get a big mushy with time. Plan to add some extra broth or water when reheating too. Enjoy!!

Whirlwind

May was a whirlwind. Jessica visited from NYC, Amiel traveled to Israel, Elijah and I journeyed to Florida, and my Grandma visited Chicago for the first time in two years!!

Mother's Day was extra special this year. We had a Steuerman-Simon family sleepover, brunch at Orange and a BBQ at Castlewood. Other May highlights included Elijah's last day of school at the JCC (bittersweet), Deb taking me shopping for work clothes (Loehmann's is the best!) and planting an adorable vegetable patch at Gilia's (hooray for eating local!).

In an effort to update my look (sandals, untamed hair, hoodie), I completely chopped my hair a few weeks back. Upon seeing the new do, Elijah pointed to me and proclaimed, "You BEAUTIFUL." What a sweetheart. My unsuspecting husband had a rather different response. Upon picking him up at the airport, his eyes nearly popped out of his skull and his jaw literally dropped. "I can't believe you cut your hair, I can't believe it." He misses the long tresses and insists that I look like a stranger. I'm waiting to see if he starts to prefer it this way, but for now he has taken to calling me an "adorable alien."
Elijah continues to grow and wow us. I feel lucky to have such an easy going little boy. He naps every afternoon, but I can always push the nap later into the day without risking a meltdown. He is happy to try new foods and likes a wide variety of things (no big deal if the macaroni touches the tomatoes either). He is still a bit shy but doesn't take long to warm up to new situations. We have challenging moments, but they never last long and are easily overshadowed by the kisses and unexpected "I LOVE YOU, Mommy!!" announcements.

Happy Mother's Day

There was a big storm the today and it made me think of my Mom. Elijah and I went to the patio in search of lightning and thunder. I explained that the thunder was coming from heaven. Elijah and I talk about heaven; he knows his Grandma Anne is there. "She is always with you," I explain. "You can't see her with your eyes, but you can feel her in your heart." A picture of Mom is framed outside Elijah's room. She is surrounded by a field of yellow flowers and looking away from the camera. Her smile is genuine and beautiful. Elijah likes to blow her kisses.

Mom always loved butterflies, and I think about her whenever I see them. I like to imagine her flying around the world, seeking out waterfalls and sunsets in exotic places. When I meet a special person, I wonder if she had something to do with it. A good friend's mother recently died, and I wonder if she has encountered Mom. I picture them sitting in a cafe together, sipping tea and eavesdropping on our conversations.

It has been nearly seven years since her death, but Mom is still alive to me. I often dream of our reunion. The dreams feel so real that I wonder if her spirit has come to visit me in the night. Maybe she has been reincarnated into a new body, but her spirit is so present that I do not think so.

Becoming a mom myself has made me feel closer to Mom than ever. I find myself recreating my childhood memories. When I need Elijah to hurry up, we go "quick like a bunny!" We "wash our paws" after playing outside and we sing "Hushabye" at bedtime. We "make nice" when we've hurt someone and spend a great deal of time goofing around. If classical music is playing, I teach Elijah the sounds of the various instruments. I can't seem to differentiate between the viola and violin, but I try.

Food plays a prominent role in my childhood memories. The mall near our house had a french bakery, and Mom loved taking us there for croissants. An amazing cook and baker, some of her specialties were appetizers, brownies and chocolate chip cookies. She instilled within me a love of food and cooking which has only grown over the years. While I love cooking for its own sake, being in the kitchen brings about warm memories of my childhood. Mom was always hosting brunches and dinner parties. Deborah and I were her sous chefs; we snapped the ends of green beans, rolled spinach balls, and peeled potatoes. Sometimes I would complain about being delegated the boring tasks, but no one ever forced me into the kitchen. Mom was always rushing to get things ready on time, and I loved watching her in action. The atmosphere was both intense and calm at the same time. The food was consistently amazing, and when guests praised it, Mom never failed to give credit to her helpers.

I am so grateful for these and countless other beautiful memories. I used to think that it would be difficult to raise a child without my Mom's guidance, but I've come to recognize that her absence is incomplete. I need only reflect on my own childhood in order to know what my Mom would say in a given situation. In 5th grade, I interviewed Mom for an essay about her life. When it came time to discuss her career, she reviewed how meaningful her work as a writer and a photographer had been. "But my favorite career is being a mother," she said. My time with her was too short, but she filled me with more love in 24 years than most people receive in a lifetime. Happy Mother's Day, Mom.